I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
