So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Randomize
