Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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