she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
