she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
