He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
