I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
