One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
