I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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