i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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