farters have to be the big spoon...
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
