Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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