My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
