Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
