marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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