Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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