the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
