i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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