whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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