mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
