no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
