I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
