I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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