a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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