sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
