you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
