flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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