i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
