Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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