it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
