All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
