Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
