I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he fucked my hip out of place.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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