you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
