bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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