I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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