Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
