Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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