Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
