I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
