the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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