I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
