Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize