You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
