If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize