you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
