i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
