Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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