haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
