it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
