I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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