he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
