Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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