I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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