your thong is hanging out like whoa
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
