a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
