i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize