I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
