you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
