I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
