just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
