bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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