Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
