Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
