that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
