I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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