Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize