Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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