So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
