and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
