That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
